5 Simple Rules for Dating my Brother
by sir authoress
Summary: In which Itachi has a brother complex, Sasuke is said brother of the brother complex and Naruto, the victim of the brother complex. Narusasu, shounen-ai.


Title: 5 simple rules for dating my brother

Summary: In which Itachi has a brother complex, Sasuke is said brother of the brother complex and Naruto, the victim of the brother complex. Narusasu, shounen-ai.

"…" – speech

_Thinking_(except in certain parts of sentences where it is meant for stressing on the word)

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Here goes my first fanfic. I hope you all enjoy!

P.S. unbeta-ed

-- Begin --

"Naruto," Itachi deadpanned.

Naruto cast him a hesitant look. Shifting subtly Naruto tried to inconspicuously wipe his sweaty palms against the fabric of his baggy orange pants. _Calm down!_ He told himself. _It's just Itachi for goodness sake!_

Every self preservation instinct that Naruto possessed were screaming at him to run away crying for his mommy or at least grovel for mercy from 'the look' the Uchiha was directing him. Next to him Sasuke sighed imperceptibly, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"You wish to date my brother?"

_Okay, this is it. Be a man Naruto, be a man!_ Naruto cleared his throat, "Yes. T-th-that is…ma-may I……s-sir?" he squeaked.

Itachi closed his eyes, looking, for all the world, like a man enjoying a peaceful afternoon. But Naruto knew better, the man was a demon when it came to matters involving his precious baby brother. Raising his eyelids, Itachi leveled him with a half-lidded look.

_Oh no oh no oh no ohnoohnoohno! He's gonna say no! He's gonna say no and beat the crap outta me for even going near Sasuke. _Naruto tensed, ready to leap out of striking range from Itachi.

"Alright."

_Aaaargh! He said…eh..?_ "A-alright? You mean you'll let me date your brother?" Naruto asked, not believing hi s ears.

"Yes, you may date my brother," Itachi said.

Naruto brighten up instantly. Inner Naruto was doing a victory lap and he had to suppress the urge to cackle at his success.

Itachi smirked at the look on Naruto's face. "However; I have rules."

Naruto's face fell.

"Itachi..." Sasuke said warningly.

"Sasuke," Itachi drawled. "Big brother knows best."

Sasuke fell silent. He knew he had to be careful around his brother with matters of having a relationship. It wasn't that he didn't feel gratified for his brother's protectiveness but more often than not, Itachi ends up terrifying Sasuke's suitors before they even start a relationship.

Itachi turned to Naruto, who in turn stared back unblinkingly. Of course ignoring the fact that the Kyuubi holder's hands were trembling minutely and sweat was beading along his hairline, the boy didn't look half as intimidated as Itachi had hoped.

_Perhaps there's hope for him yet, _Itachi mused.

"Firstly: Break his heart and I will break your neck."

Naruto nodded. He knew that, toying with Uchiha Sasuke's feelings would be like inviting murder in the form of an over-protective brother.

"Secondly, no kissing, touching, groping or molesting."

"EH??" Naruto screamed. Inner Naruto could see all the perverted fantasies he had been harbouring crumbling to dust.

Itachi raised his eyebrow. "Is there a problem with that?" he asked coolly, the subtle threat clear in his voice.

"Oh," Naruto laughed nervously. "Not that all."

"Aniki, isn't that a bit unreasonable?" Sasuke scowled. No way was he going to sacrifice their make out session. Curse his brother and his brother complex! Stamping down his pride, he directed his brother a pleading look that he had used when he was younger when begging his brother to teach him the shuriken. "I mean, isn't kissing a normal couple thing?" he reasoned.

_Oh, pulling out all the stops are we, Sasuke?_ Itachi thought; amused.

"I suppose I might have been a bit unreasonable," he conceded. Sasuke resisted the urge to smirk.

_Foolish little brother, _Itachi smirked. "No kissing, touching, groping or molesting without supervision," Itachi amended. Seeing his little brother open his mouth to protest, Itachi further amended, "That is to say, you may only do the aforementioned when I am near enough to check up on you once in a while to make sure no _unwanted_ activities occur."

"But aniki!" Sasuke protested. "We're nineteen!"

Naruto silently congratulated his boyfriend. Sasuke had guts standing up to his brother. Inner Naruto was sifting through the pile of crumbled perverted fantasies trying to salvage something.

Itachi gave them both 'the look' that had them sweating buckets. "Thirdly," he continued as though there were no interruptions. "Curfew is 10 pm sharp."

Both of them nodded obediently, not wanting to invoke 'the look' again.

"If you are but one second late," Itachi continued. "I'll will go out there and hunt you down. Do not think you can hide from me. You have my word as a former Anbu that there is no corner of this world that is safe for you."

Naruto gulped nervously. _Maybe dating Sasuke wasn't such a good idea._

"Fourthly, the following places are banned: dark places, secluded places, places with items resembling a bed or a sofa," Itachi recited.

Inner Naruto quickly shifted through his dust-pile of perverted fantasies. _Bed, no; Couch, no…Ah! Kitchen table!_

"Or table," Itachi added.

_NOOO!!_ Inner Naruto screamed in frustration. Outwardly, gave an approving nod, his fingers twitching as though itching to strangle Itachi.

"And finally," Itachi stated. "There will be no sex, thoughts of sex or anything remotely close to sex. Should you break this rule," Itachi paused, his tone never wavering past monotonous. "There will be no possibility of sex in the near future." As he stated this, his gaze slowly left Naruto's face and slid down the length of his body only to stop at Naruto's crotch.

Giving a terror filled squeak, Naruto's hands flew to his crotch. Miraculously, the pile of perverted fantasies had vanished mysteriously. Sasuke gave a snort at his brother's antics.

"If you're done terrorising Naruto," Sasuke drawled sarcastically, rising from his seat. "We'd like to go on our _date._" Tugging on Naruto's arm, he managed to get the petrified boy to stand up and start moving to the door.

"Oh, and Naruto," Itachi called out. Naruto turned his head mechanically, wondering what the demon brother wanted. "I'll be watching you." Itachi smirked evilly.

-- End --

I'm quite dissatisfied with the ending. Sorry for the crappy ending.

Hope you liked it.


End file.
